Elements #1 of Writing Fiction -- Showing vs. Telling

Before I jump into the works of J. K. Rowling and Stephenie Meyer, I need to cover same basics.  I need to review the "Elements of Writing Fiction".


I took a serious step towards writing when I was serving as a juror on an attempted murder trail.  It took four weeks to find the young male defendant guilty of a botched gang murder.  During a lunch break near the beginning of the trail, I walked several blocks to the main library and found a book called “The Weekend Novelist” by Robert Ray.  I read it twice, the second time takes notes.  His book has helped me beter understand the elements in fiction writing: scene building, action, dialogue, plotting, etc.  I highly recommend reading it.

Element #1: Showing vs. Telling

Example #1 -- Telling:

Jack and Jill went up the hill.

Example #1 -- Showing:

Jack grabbed Jill’s hand.  Her soft, pale hand slipped a bit from his grip as they started there march up the waist-high grass hill which overlooked Jill’s parents house.    

Example #2 -- Telling:

Jack is 21. He has not held a job since high school and still lives at home with his parents.  Jill, his girlfriend, works hard as a waitress at a local restaurant and is a sophomore at a local community college.  Jack doesn’t want to lose Jill and is a third rate manipulator.  

Example #2 -- Showing:

“Hey, babe” Jerry said as he walked into the Bob’s Diner and took his usual seat near the window.

“Hey Jack,” said Jill. She took out her ordering pad and pen. “What can I get for you?”

“I'm hungry, but broke.  Can you buy me lunch?”

“Jack, I’m working two jobs just to save enough for school.”

With an overly sad face Jack said, “There’s nothing to eat in my parent’s house. How about putting it on my tab?”

“Bob told you last week that he’ll let you have a tab once you get a steady job.”

“Well, tell him to...”

“Jack! Be quiet.  I need this job.”  The order bell sounded from the kitchen. “If you’re not ordering something then you’ll have to go.”

Jack stood up and straightened his jacket.  With defeated voice he said, “I guess I’ll have to leave.  I love you.”  

Fiction is word pictures, and most writers have heard “show don’t tell” or something similar.  The reason to show the reader is to engage them, to appeal to their emotions and their senses.  In fact, the best way to “show” instead of tell is to incorporate the five senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch.  Another help is to pretend that your explaining the story to a person from a different country, culture, etc. who does not understand.