Let’s continue with Chapter 1 of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" by J. K. Rowling. Again, We’re looking for the Elements and patterns.
I’m going to move forward in the chapter. After Mr. Dursley’s encounter with the cat, he goes to work seeing people dressed strangely, misses the owls flying by, overhears people say the word “the Potters,” is called a “Muggle,” and goes home and watches the news.
Mrs. Dursley came into the living room carrying two cups of tea. It was no good. He'd have to say something to her. He cleared his throat nervously. "Er -- Petunia, dear -- you haven't heard from your sister lately, have you?"
The setting is the Dursley house in the living room. Mr. Dursley’s emotional state is set by his Action-- clearing the throat.
As he had expected, Mrs. Dursley looked shocked and angry. After all, they normally pretended she didn't have a sister.
Her emotional state is Described.
"No," she said sharply. "Why?"
Now her emotional sate is show by Action, actually a reaction to his words.
"Funny stuff on the news," Mr. Dursley mumbled. "Owls... shooting stars... and there were a lot of funny-looking people in town today..."
Note that Mr. Dursley mumbles as a reaction to her “sharp” words.
"So?" snapped Mrs. Dursley.
"Well, I just thought... maybe... it was something to do with... you know... her crowd."
More reactions, and the reader now has to wonder what is “her crowd.”
Mrs. Dursley sipped her tea through pursed lips. Mr. Dursley wondered whether he dared tell her he'd heard the name "Potter." He decided he didn't dare. Instead he said, as casually as he could, "Their son -- he'd be about Dudley's age now, wouldn't he?"
Up until now, the dialogue has been just the dialogue and the emotional actions and reactions of Mr. and Mrs Dursley. Now we have a “break” of action (sipping tea) and the inner thoughts of Mr. Dursley.
"I suppose so," said Mrs. Dursley stiffly.
"What's his name again? Howard, isn't it?"
"Harry. Nasty, common name, if you ask me."
"Oh, yes," said Mr. Dursley, his heart sinking horribly. "Yes, I quite agree."
He didn't say another word on the subject as they went upstairs to bed. While Mrs. Dursley was in the bathroom, Mr. Dursley crept to the bedroom window and peered down into the front garden. The cat was still there. It was staring down Privet Drive as though it were waiting for something.
The dialogue scene ends and the story continues with action.
FInal comments:
Note how this scene is not just he said / she said. J. K. Rowling includes the emotional action and reaction, the action (sipping tea), and the internal thoughts of the characters.
I have stated before to imagine your story as if were set on a stage. J. K. Rowling sets the stage as the living room, some authors might describe the room. Now, are the actors moving around, if so you can describe it. Here, they are having tea, not a highly action based activity. Therefore, the Large action is drinking tea, which is mentioned. Smaller actions could be sipping tea (included), stirring tea, lift cups, etc. Sprinkle the action into the dialogue. Now, are the actors mad, excited, bored, afraid, etc? An author needs to convey this. And instead of just saying Mr. Dursley is fearful to talk to his wife, we see him clearing his throat, mumbling, and with holding information. For Mr. Dursley, she is stated (via Telling) to be angry, and we see it in her actions.
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